Confessions
by AlternateReality12
Summary: He had come to hate the name so much, yet love it with all of his being at the same time. Unbeknownst to him, the feeling was reciprocal on the part of the halfbreed. Only when put against the trials of an unforgiving winter in the Alaskan wilderness will these two make shocking confessions. BaltoXSteele, don't like, don't read. KaltagXJenna. T for language.
1. Prologue

"Gay? What do you mean, gay?"

"It's that simple Jenna. I'm gay."

The orange husky gave the halfbreed an ice-cold stare; the intensity of which could only be compared to the harsh and unforgiving winters that Alaska had to offer.

"How-why? Last night when we made love, you seemed so-into it."

Balto bit his lip and looked to the ground ashamed, "The only way I was able to do that was because I was thinking about, well," he paused, "guys."

Jenna's expression turned from confusion to disbelief and insult, "You, you bastard! How the hell could you do this, just, why did you do it? Who the fuck are you trying to impress?"

He kept his eyes averted, "I wasn't trying to impress anyone..."

"Then what the fuck is this?"

He kept himself calm and sighed, "It's hard to explain, Jenna..."

"Hard to explain, what?" She shook her head, confused, "Talk, Balto!"

Balto brought his head level and stared right at her with an angry expression, shouting, "Damnit, Jenna! I've been questioning it for a long damn time now! You think it was easy on me? It wasn't! I didn't know for sure until last night...and I just don't like girls, Jenna! I didn't choose this! I thought I liked you, and I do! Just...just not in that way."

She went to say something but looked down, biting her lip, a disgusted look still on her face, and she looked away from him, "Balto, I...I can't help what your sexuality is, I get that. But you shouldn't have used me as your fucking experiment. I resent that you'd do such a thing without telling me first. You shouldn't have made me beilieve that there was something between us."

He looked away again, ashamed, "I...I know."

"What you should have done was told me beforehand...then I would have been okay with us messing around to see if you liked it or not...but you didn't do that."

The halfbreed hid his face with his left front leg, "I know Jenna...I...I'm so sorry."

She still refused to look at him but her expression turned from disgust to disappointment but understanding, "Well, since it's out in the open now, I guess...we're through, huh?"

Balto gave a sigh and looked at her, and, with a solemn nod, he replied to her, "I'm sorry, Jenna, but it's over. I hope you find another dog who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated and give you as many puppies as you desire."

The orange husky gave a nod as well, "Thank you, Balto. While I am still upset about all of this...I hope you find a male that will make you happy."

The two looked away from each other and exchanged a moment of awkward silence, and then they went their seperate ways. Walking away feeling like a complete jerk, Balto contemplated his feelings. Everything he told the husky was true; he did indeed fantasize about males that previous night. That aside, though, he felt like he had genuinely hurt a close friend. He hoped that Jenna would remain that-a friend-but if she refused even that, he would have no choice but to understand. Gay-of all the things he could be, why did it have to be that, he wondered. He was embarassed by it, because as far as he knew, he was the only male dog in the area that did not have an interest in females. He sighed and began trudging along to the abandoned boat that he had so many times called home in the past.

Jenna was making her way back to the home of her master, and all she could do was contemplate what the halfbreed had told her. He was gay. She wanted to be angry at him, she wanted to get back at him, but she sighed and realized that she couldn't. All he did was confirm his suspiscions with her, despite having done it in the worst way possible. Granted, she did not know what it was like, as she had never experimented with another female before; she knew she was straight. But she could sympathize with him, having had known other gay dogs in her past. She definitely did not believe it to be a matter of choice, but she did not know if the other dogs felt the same way. She would keep her mouth shut about it, though, because if she knew anything, it was the fact that Steele would most likely use that against Balto. And he didn't need anymore hurt right now.

The halfbreed walked through the streets of Nome, alone, as it was getting late, the sun had set, and tonight was a particularly frigid night. Balto shivered as he felt a north wind cut through the alleyway he was in and sting his skin, even with it being covered by his thick fur. It was when that wind died down when he realized that Steele and his companions from the team were out around a fire that a human had left burning in an old oil barrel. Gasping, he ran behind two trash cans that were placed snug up against a building, and peered around to see what the other dogs were up to.

"I just saw Balto and Jenna break up!" Kaltag looked at the other three dogs eagerly, awaiting their replies.

"What happened?" Star turned his head quizically.

"Balto broke up with her because he's gay!"

The halfbreed's eyes widened when he heard that, and his heart started racing. This would only provide Steele and the others with the ammunition they needed to destroy him.

"No way! I always thought there was something off about that mutt..." Nikki chuckled and all three dogs looked to Steele to see what he had to say.

The Siberian husky was dumbfounded. His face appeared shocked, and he didn't say anything for a long while, appearing to be contemplating what was told to him.

"Steele?" Kaltag inquired, "You there buddy?"

Shaking his head, Steele came back to reality, "Oh, yeah. I'm here. The mutt's gay, is he? Well, I'll just have to do something about that, won't I?"

The other dogs chuckled, but Steele looked away, giving a soft smile. He thought to himself, and spoke soft enough that the others didn't hear, "I'll definitely have to do something about that..."

Balto covered his eyes with a paw and laid on the ground, feeling hot tears begin to fall down his face. He spoke softly to himself, "I am so screwed..."


	2. Afflictions

Balto ran-he ran as fast as he possibly could back to the boat. He was sick to the stomach with worry and fear; fear of what was to come next. The others knew his secret, and he didn't want to know what they had planned for him. Darting into the rickety and weathered confines of the abandoned watercraft, he curled up in a corner and gave a defated sigh. It wasn't long until Boris came in, inquiring as to what may be bothering the halfbreed.

"Balto, what's wrong?"

"They know, Boris...Kaltag eavesdropped on my conversation with Jenna. I watched from behind two trash cans as he told Steele and the other two."

The goose looked down and searched for something to say, "Oh...oh my, Balto..."

"I know, believe me Boris, I know. I'm so screwed from now on. I can never show my face in Nome again, unless I feel like going to get beat up or laughed at all afternoon."

"Balto..." Boris walked over and sat down beside the dog, laying a wing comfortingly on his back, "I know you don't believe me when I say it, but it's going to work out. So, they know you're gay. So what? Let 'em know. What they gonna do? If they try to rough you up, you just fight back."

Balto looked away, down at the ground, tracing a claw in circular patterns on the floor of the boat, "It's not them I'm worried most about, though. Jenna was absolutely crushed when I told her. I screwed up, Boris, I should have never 'experimented' on her, as she put it, like I did."

The goose looked up to the sky, "Well, no, you probably shouldn't have done that. But all make mistakes, do we not? You apologized, no?"

He nodded softly, "I did, but it doesn't change the fact that she was hurt. I know things will get better between her and I with time, but, I just felt so rotten when I saw her like that."

Boris gave the dog a comforting pat on the back, "Time heals all wounds."

Elsewhere

Steele sat out on the porch of his master's home in deep thought. Kaltag and the others had gone to sleep, but he remained up to contemplate the knowledge he had just received. Balto, his nemesis, was gay. He knew that his companions would love to see that used against the halfbreed, but he himself was having trouble accepting that fact. Steele did not deny it; he hated how Balto was trying to steal all the glory from him and swoon Jenna away. He now knew, though, that the only reason the halfbreed did that was to protect his masculinity. True, Nome dogs were definitely not accepting of such a taboo thing, much like the humans, and that is why Balto had covered up his sexuality, but Steele knew he was doing the exact same thing-he was gay, too.

It was true, he did dislike Balto in many ways. He despised the hero mentality the halfbreed presented, he hated how he attempted to steal the glory in the sled race, those beautiful hazel eyes he possessed always drew him into a lover's stare...

Shaking his head, he came back to reality, "The fuck am I thinking?"

Steele couldn't believe it-he had feelings for Balto. Despite everything, he still enjoyed having the halfbreed around. The things that set him off so much, he realized, were merely a case of jealousy and desire. He hated that Balto was so revered by Jenna after that race-hated the fact he wasn't there to call that victory dog his own. Indeed, he was very jealous when Balto and Jenna were together-but he was jealous of Jenna, not Balto! Steele had repressed it until now, but he finally came to terms with his true feelings; he loved Balto. He wanted the halfbreed like he'd never wanted any other dog in his entire life.

Hot tears began to stream down his face as he lay down on the porch, "Damnit, mutt..."

He traced patterns in the snow with his paw as he softly cried to himself, thinking of all the horrible things he'd said to Balto in the past; how cruel he'd been, how abusive he'd been, and how self-centered he must have appeared. He felt so horrible about how he'd behaved, but at the same time, what was he to do? He was the leader of the sled team; the fearless, flawless leader that the other dogs looked up to. He initiated the hatred for Balto, and they of course followed that hatred. What they didn't know, though, was that that "hatred" was, as he discovered, jealousy combined with desire. At the same time, though, he did not want to think about their reactions to his sexuality. What would they do if they knew he was gay? He knew-they would throw him away like a bag of yesterday's garbage. He wondered, was his reputation worth losing the one he truly loved?

The conflicted husky sighed, stood up, and made his way back to where the other dogs were sleeping. There was no point in keeping himself up all night because of this; he and the rest of the team had a very important delivery to make in the morning.

Elsewhere

Jenna was out for a late-night walk, looking to the ground solemnly as she thought about the current situation. She was still upset at what Balto had done to her, but she was quickly getting over it. She was actually feeling more sorry for him than hurt at this point. He was already different enough, being a dog-wolf mix, and she imagined that the fact he was gay made him feel even more alienated than before. Lost in thought, the orange husky didn't hear the footsteps behind her.

"Jenna?"

She turned around, scared for a moment, but breathed a sigh of a relief; it was only Kaltag, "Oh, Kaltag, you scared me."

He walked up beside her, accompanying her as she continued her late-night stroll, "What has you out so late at night?" He knew exactly what was keeping her up.

She sighed, looking away, "Oh, it's nothing. Balto and I just broke up, that's all."

The conniving husky smirked to himself, and continued the cherade, "Oh? That's awful, did something happen between you two?"

She bit her lower lip and searched for something to say, something that would cover up the real reason in order to keep Balto from being hurt, "Oh, it was just that we don't see eye-to-eye on things anymore. He still has some adventure in him, and I'm ready to settle down. We don't hate each other, we just...realized that we weren't right for one another."

Kaltag nodded, keeping the fact that he knew what the true reason was hidden from her, "I see...I'm sorry to hear that, Jenna. Are you and him still friends, though?"

She thought, knowing that despite the fact that she felt bad for the halfbreed, she didn't exactly consider them to be on friend terms, "Let's just say that we don't despise each other right now." Sighing, she tried to talk about things that were actually true, "I just...finally thought I had found the one, you know? A male that would treat me right, give me the puppies I so much desire, give me a partner in life that I could always turn to...but Balto just isn't that male, I see that now."

He nodded, "I guess sometimes others aren't what we thought they were."

She sighed, walking along with him in silence for a few moments. He was right, Balto was definitely not what she thought he was. And yet, despite the fact that he was gay, she still had feelings for him. She frowned in anger slightly, that was yet another negative outcome of the halfbreed's experiment. She now had feelings for Balto that wouldn't be that easy to erradicate.

Kaltag, on the other hand, was using this weak point in her life to his advantage. He wanted to jump on the opportunity to snag her as his mate before Steele could, he thought. She made it very clear that she needed a strong male in her life, and he saw himself as that male. He almost felt guilty, seeing the depressed state that she was in, but he was afraid that if he did not act now, Steele would take the opportunity right out of his paws.

"Jenna, if you want to stay with me tonight, you can. You know, to help with the loss, and all. I always like being around friends when something tragic like this happens to me."

She went to shake her head no, but she gave it some thought. She definitely was lonely, had no one to spend the night with anymore, and he was right-the company of friends after a hurtful event like the one that had just occurred definitely was comforting. Jenna knew in the back of her mind that it might be a bad idea, but she decided to take the risk anyway.

"Alright, Kaltag. I think I will come with you. I really am torn up about this, and you're right...friends do make things better when stuff like this happens."

His ears perked up when she gave him the reply, surprised that she said yes. Knowing Jenna, he thought that she would have declined such a forward offer, but played off the shock-why complain about a good thing?

"Sounds good, we can go sleep by the boiler. Steele went out somewhere and the other two are sleeping on the other side of the room. I'm here to listen to all you have to say, so don't hold anything back."

She smiled at him, and the two huskies made their way back to the boiler room Steele and his companions had come to call home. As they were walking, though, Kaltag's back right paw hit a bad patch of ice and he slipped, that leg folding underneath his body, and both dogs heard a very audible crack. The brown husky's eyes snapped wide open and he yelped loudly, Jenna rushing around to the injured paw.

"Kaltag, what the hell happened?" she shouted, helping him roll on his side, and she gasped when she saw his leg.

He was writhing in pain, yelping, "My foot! It's my fucking foot!"

Staring at the bone sticking through an open wound on his leg, she shook her head and ran to his front, "Kaltag, stay here. I'm going to get help, you broke your leg, it's really bad!" She ran off further into the town, toward her master's home, and started barking loudly.

Kaltag laid there as she went to get assistance, sharp pains shooting through his leg, up his spine, and to his brain. A powerful migrane started to take him over, and all he could do was lay there and yelp in horrific pain. The cold sting of the arctic air on his wound intensified it exponentially, and it wasn't long until Jenna had her master running back to the incapacitated husky's side.

The human could only glance down at the dog and speak to himself, "Oh lord..." He got up, and ran to find the team's master. Jenna stayed with him the whole time, trying to calm him down.

"Kaltag, Kaltag! I know it hurts, but try to calm down! Your thrashing is only going to make it hurt worse!"

He tried and tried, and was able to keep himself still, but the pain was still there and he kept yelping, "Fuck! It hurts so fucking bad!" The husky's eyes got wider than they already were, "Jenna, the delivery! I was supposed to go on a delivery tomorrow!"

She laid a paw on his chest and got close to him, "Don't worry about that now, Kaltag, we have to get you fixed up!"

His master came running, and immediately kneeled down at his side. He put his hands on his head in a panicked manner, picked him up, and Jenna ran along beside him as he came to the veteranarian's home, and pounded on the door. It wasn't long until a light came on and the door opened, a tired man standing in front of them.

"What's going on, why did you get me up so late?"

"Sir please, Kaltag, one of my sled dogs, his leg has been badly broken. Please, do anything, I don't care what it takes!"

The vet shook his head, coming completely back from the depths of his slumber, "Alright, alright, bring him inside. I can't promise a miracle, but let's have a look at him."

Jenna watched with worried eyes as Kaltag was taken inside, and her master walked up to her, putting a leash on and urging her in the opposite direction, back to their home, "Come on girl, it's time for bed. Kaltag will be alright; the vet will take good care of him."

All she could do was obey, but kept looking back to the building her entire walk back.


	3. Bombshells

Sunlight fell on Balto's face as he slowly awoke from a deep slumber. Then, everything came back

to him. Everything that he had said the previous day came flooding back: the confession to Jenna

that he was gay, the fact that the other dogs knew, and the fact that Steele would be using that fact

against him in any way possible. Steele-oh, how he wished things between himself and the black

and white husky were different. How he wished-no-no, that was not something that could be

attained. Nature dictated that when the husky was conceived.

Balto stood up and stretched out, and looked to the north to find that dark clouds were approaching.

They weren't the kind of dark that signaled rain; they were filled with snow. And from the way they

looked, it appeared that a very bad snowstorm was on the way. But then he thought of

something-he knew that the sled team had a very important delivery to make today, and he figured

that it would take them much longer to complete it with the snow coming. He smiled a little to

himself-the dogs would be busy with that, and it would give him a few days to relax and clear his

mind. He thought that he could clear things up with Jenna, too, because he had a feeling that she

was still upset from the previous day's confessions.

"Ah, the dog has decided to get up finally, I see."

Balto turned around and greeted Boris with a smirk, "Oh, and I suppose you've been up since the

crack of dawn?"

"Before that, actually. Sleep didn't come well last night. I blame it on the snow coming."

Balto smiled, "That's going to make that sled delivery take a lot longer. I'm going to use that time to

relax and clear the air with Jenna."

The goose stretched a bit, "That is good Balto. Your best course of action."

"Maybe I should just talk to Jenna first," he bit his lip and looked down at the floor of the boat in

contemplation, "Boris, I'm going to go ahead and go to Nome and find her. I don't know when I'll be

back, ok?"

"Yes, yes, Balto, get out of here and do what ever will make you feel better faster, no?"

He gave the goose another smirk and bade him goodbye, heading off to find Jenna in Nome.

Elsewhere

Jenna lay by a healing Kaltag beside the boiler. He was asleep, and she woke up to discover that

she had fallen asleep beside him for a few hours. The vet had finished with him in the middle of the

night, and about an hour before dawn her owner had woken up to help prepare for the delivery, so

she seized the opportunity and went off to find the injured sled dog. He had come through quite

well, and the vet had declared that he would be back to pulling with the rest of the team in about a

month. Until then, he was to take it easy, and Jenna had decided that she would do whatever was

necessary to make things as easy as possible for him. She didn't know why-she just felt it the right

thing to do.

Kaltag slowly awoke, and he smiled when he saw her, "Morning, Jenna."

She softly smiled in return to his question, "Did you sleep alright?"

He yawned, "I slept great, how was your sleep?"

She moved closer to him and relaxed, "It was wonderful. I've never felt more rested in my life, even

though it was only a few hours. How does your leg feel?"

"It hurts, but the pain isn't nearly as bad as when I broke it," he then turned his head a little bit and

looked quizically at her, "Aren't you hungry? You haven't eaten since yesterday. Why don't you go

get something to eat?"

She then brought her body to rest against his, and she gave him a content smile, "I'm alright. I think

I'd rather stay here."

He smiled and got himself comfortable, and she curled up, still against him, and yawned, "We could

get a few more hours of sleep, don't you think?"

He nodded, and curled himself around her, resting his head on her neck, "I think that sounds like a

great idea."

The two dogs started to fall back asleep, and were as content as they could possibly be for the time

being. And Balto watched all of this from outside, and was outraged.

"That little slut," he spoke to himself.

He was angered at the thought of what she was doing. She turned around and lusted after a

companion of the dog who hated him most after he had trusted her with the biggest secret that he

had ever kept. He didn't know if Kaltag had revealed that he was eavesdropping on their

conversation to her yet, but even so, with the way she was acting, she would eventually tell him.

He strongly believed that she was doing this on purpose to get back at him, and he was hurt that

she would do something so vengeful and rotten. He wanted to tell himself that he might be

reacting with an outrageous assumption, but right now, he saw no other reason as to why she

would go after Kaltag the day after their relationship had ended.

Then he thought of something else-Kaltag was hurt, and that meant that the delivery might not

happen. If that was so, and his assumptions about Jenna were true, this week could end up being

the most hellacious time of his life rather than the most relaxing. He then heard two humans

walking down the street, and found that it was Kaltag's owner and another Nome citizen.

"I have no idea what we're going to do. I have to get that delivery made, and there are no other

dogs to take Kaltag's place. If he was able to run again in a few days, it would be no problem. But

the vet said he won't be healed for a month."

The other human nodded, "That's quite a predicament. You can't have the rest of the dogs pull it

without Kaltag?"

Kaltag's owner shook his head, "That's way too dangerous. With that snowstorm coming, I need all

the dogs. I just wish there was one to take his place."

The other man looked around, not entirely sure what to say. His eyes then found Balto, who was

staring at the two of them, sitting on the porch of the building that Jenna was sleeping with Kaltag

in, "Hey, what about him? He's that dog that helped with the medicine delivery a month ago!"

Kaltag's owner's eyes went wide, and he smiled, "Yes! I almost forgot about him!" He quickly bent

down on one knee, and motioned for Balto to come to him.

Balto, baffled, hesitantly walked toward the human and looked up at him, tilting his head in

confusion.

"Hey, my little life-saver! How would you like to help with a delivery?"

The human quickly got up, and motioned for Balto to follow, which Balto did, and watched as the

two humans were excitedly talking back and forth with one another. He had no idea what they could

possibly want with him, but he silently obeyed, afraid of what would happen if he didn't.

All the while he was walking with the humans, he could not help but wonder what his week was

going to be like. He was sure that Steele and the others would ridicule him, and he feared that

Jenna would be joining them. He thought about running away, but realized that he had nowhere to

go. He had no idea where another town would be from Nome, and was sure that he would die

trying-the Alaskan wilderness could be as unforgiving as it was majestic. He was forced to stay

where he was now, and decided that his best bet was to stay with Boris in the boat as much as

possible. Yes, that is exactly what he'd do, and he'd only go to Nome if he absolutely had to. He

then saw that the humans had led him to the sled. And then it hit him all at once-Kaltag was

injured, he had proven himself as a sled dog, and this delivery was important. He was Kaltag's

replacement. The gates of hell had finally opened, and all he could do was sit there, unwillfully

obeying the humans that had come to trust him. Every part of the harness that was fastened on him

felt like shackles that would fasten him to an unimaginably horrific and unbearably long

psychological torture session.

It was not long until Steele and the rest of the team were brought out, and Steele's eyes widened

and he froze upon seeing the husky strapped into the sled team. The other dogs snickered, and

various insulting comments about Balto's sexuality were said, clearliy meant for him to hear. Steele

did not say one word though, and remained frozen, sitting there in disbelief as the secret love of his

life was strapped in before him.

Star looked to Steele, "Looks like fruit cup is taking Kaltag's place," and he then raised his voice

some, intending for Balto to hear the next part, "I sure hope he doesn't get frisky with any of us!"

Steele still looked at Balto, and didn't pay attention to what he was saying when he gave Star a

reply, "Shut up, Star."

The husky was taken aback, and gave Steele a confused expression, "Steele-what? What did I say?

Are-are you defending Balto?"

The black and white husky then shook his head and came back to reality, searching for a lie that

would cover up his shocking statement, "Uh, no, of course not. I just think we're beyond childish

jokes, and the delivery should be our main focus, got it?"

Star still looked confused by Steele's strange behavior, but nodded, "Um, whatever you say, Steele."

The humans got the rest of the dogs fastened, and, after Steele was strapped to the front of the

team, he looked back and saw Balto staring down at the ground, all happiness gone from his eyes.

He felt a frown overtake his own face, and Balto looked up when he realzied that Steele was looking

at him. The halfbreed moved back an inch or two, lowering his ears and cowering in fear. Steele's

eyes went from shock to worry, and he let his mouth open slightly, almost wanting to tell Balto,

"No, don't be afraid," but knew that he couldn't. He simply turned back around, and fought the tears

that were ready to fall from his glassy eyes. This was going to be a very, very long delivery.


	4. Similarities

The halfbreed felt his feet hit the ground over and over again, running along with the rest of the sled team as he tried desperately to ignore the various comments about him, all of them with insult intended. He focused solely on the snow as he ran, fighting the urge to yell something back at the dogs that were taunting him. The one thing that prevented him from doing so was Steele—he had no idea what the black and white Siberian husky would do if he put up a fight, but it was something that he definitely did not wish to find out.

"Hey Balto, why don't you look ahead instead of looking at the snow? There's a real nice view of Star! Well, one that you would like, anyway!" Nikki sneered at the quiet halfbreed.

Star brought his tail down between his legs as he ran, "Don't tell him that! Who knows how frisky he is today? And I wonder what Kaltag thinks of a faggot taking his place, am I right, guys?"

Balto winced his eyes at the comments, and quietly muttered, "Stop—please, please just stop…"

"He probably wishes Kaltag was here, Star, a big strong dog like him is eye candy for a dog like Balto!"

A little louder, Balto replied, "Please, stop…"

Star chuckled, "If Kaltag was here, Balto would be back with Jenna, hanging out. You know, since they have so much in common now!"

The halfbreed finally cracked and brought his head up, a few tears streaming from his eyes, and he shouted, "Would you stop already?!"

"What, can't take the heat, fruity? Oh wait, it all makes sense now, you're _in_ heat, and need some male to douse it, right?"

Steele finally had heard enough and turned his head around with teeth bared, "The two of you shut the _fuck_ up now!" The Siberian husky turned back around, hiding slightly moist eyes from them—he knew those comments and their painful impact all too well.

FLASHBACK

Steele sat lazily on the porch of his owner's, a Ms. Jeanne Roberts's, small home. It was a cool autumn evening in Denver, Colorado, and the sun was almost set behind the mountains in the distance. He listened to the soothing sounds of a gentle breeze blowing through the trees along the street, causing a few here and there to come loose from their branches and float gently to the ground below. Ms. Roberts sat in her rocking chair, rocking back and forth slowly as she knitted what looked like a winter snowcap. The breeze blew the candle she had sitting on a table beside her out, and she calmly laid down her knitting to strike a match and re-light the extinguished flame.

"It's getting a little chilly, isn't it, Steele?" the elderly woman folded her hands on her lap as she smiled tiredly down at the young adult dog.

Steele turned his head to her when he heard his name, and he perked up a little bit, wagging his tail and giving a grin in return.

She set her knitting on the table, and stood up, holding onto the back of the chair for support while she reached for her cane, "You look a little hungry, and I'm feeling the same. How would you like it if I warmed up some of that leftover chili on the stove for dinner?"

He stood up and walked up to her, watching her reach for the doorknob, but then he noticed the man that came to visit Ms. Roberts every so often walking up the sidewalk with his dog, Maxx. Steele smiled and wagged his tail happily—Maxx was his favorite dog in the entire neighborhood.

The man stood out in front of the porch and tipped his hat to the elderly woman, "Good evening Ms. Roberts, a bit chilly out, isn't it?"

She smiled, and turned around to talk with him, "Hello Gerald. Are you out for a stroll with Maxx tonight?"

Gerald Peters was Ms. Roberts's younger neighbor, and he had moved into the house next to hers in May of that year after he took over his father's textile company. Mr. Peters, Senior, had gotten to the point where it was too much for him to run it, and had turned it over to his son. Shortly after he moved in, he adopted a grey border collie from the local pound. Steele and the dog, which Gerald named Maxx, had become quite good friends since then, and were talking on the porch while Ms. Roberts and Gerald made small talk.

"Hey Steele, did you hear about the recruitment around here?" Maxx looked seriously at his dear friend.

The Siberian husky cocked his head in confusion, "Recruitment? For what?"

Maxx looked around, and moved closer to Steele, almost whispering when he replied, "Steele, there's a town up in Alaska recruiting huskies for sled dogs, and they're paying nicely to more or less 'rent' them for the winter, until they can get enough people with huskies to make permanent sled teams."

Steele shook his head, "I had no idea. What's the big deal, though?"

Maxx bit his lower lip and looked around, and then directly at the black and white husky, "Aren't you worried about being recruited? Your owner is struggling for money, right?"

He chuckled and shook his head, "Maxx, she has nobody else around to keep her company. Her children moved to the other side of the country, and they only come for the holidays. She wouldn't send me away."

Maxx gave a worried expression, "I don't know, Steele, I think that's what my owner is talking to yours about. Mine is one of the ones who is doing the recruiting around here."

Steele shook his head with a confident smile, "She won't do it. I know my owner," he sighed and stared lazily at Maxx, "Maxx…there's something I've wanted to talk to you about. It's something…important."

The collie tilted his head, "What is it, Steele? Did something happen?"

The husky shook his head and got closer to Maxx, "I've known you all summer and into fall. We became really good friends, right?"

Maxx gave a look of confusion to the slightly larger husky, "I would…say so, why?"

Steele brought his snout a little closer to Maxx's, and he gazed into the collie's eyes with a serious expression, "For a while now, I've felt like…like we could possibly be a little…more…than just friends."

Maxx was very confused at this point, and narrowed his eyes, shaking his head lightly, not quite sure what to make of what Steele was saying, "Steele, I…what…what do you—oh!" The collie's eyes went wide and he backed up from the husky, "Oh, Steele, no, I—I don't go that way."

Steele's own eyes were wide now, and his mouth hung agape, and he looked for something to say, "Oh, Maxx, I—I'm sorry, I thought that—"

"N—no, I—I'm not gay, Steele." He backed away from the Siberian husky and sat at his owner's feet, staring in total shock.

Steele went to walk over to his friend, but Maxx backed up some more, and kept the husky a considerable distance away, "No, Steele—just stay there, ok?"

Meanwhile, Gerald and Jeanne nodded at each other, and she was the first to speak, "Well that sounds wonderful, Gerald. My children and their families will be coming next month for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so I won't be alone for too long. I think it will be good for Steele, too—he doesn't get to run around a whole lot. I'm much too old to take him out for walks. And you say I'll have him back by May?"

"You have my word, Ms. Roberts. He'll be back and ready for a relaxing summer with you. I'll let you get to your supper, because it looks like Maxx here is ready to go. I took him for quite a long walk this evening, and I've had a long day myself, so I think we're both ready to turn in for the night."

She nodded and smiled at him, waving her hand as he put Maxx back on a leash and walked off the porch, "I'll talk to you soon, Gerald. It's always nice seeing you."

He tipped his hat to her and grinned, "It's a pleasure chatting with you, Ms. Roberts, and I'll let you know when I'll need Steele. I'll drop your check off, too. Have a good night!"

Steele watched as the two walked away, and Maxx could only stare back at him with a shocked and slightly disgusted look on his face. The husky had never felt so heartbroken in his entire life. What happened in the following week was a constant onslaught of hurtful remarks from local dogs, and the husky soon found out he had been recruited for the Alaskan sled teams.

He left Denver with a broken heart and a shattered soul, and found out through word of mouth from other dogs later recruited to Nome that Ms. Roberts had passed away that following February from pneumonia. With no one to return home to, he became a permanent canine resident of Nome, and the detrimental emotional effects from those occurrences had let a wave of cynicism overtake his mind and soul, which allowed him to construct a façade of pride and confidence that masked a mutilated heart and demolished confidence.

END FLASHBACK

Steele shook his head and snapped back to reality, feeling his hot tears soon turn to painful ice crystals all through the fur around his eyes. He would sometimes let thoughts of his previous life find their way into his focus, and fought viciously to lock them back into repression. He did not want Balto to go through what Maxx ended up indirectly forcing him to experience.

Nikki looked to Steele after he had ordered them to keep quiet, "Steele, what the hell? We were only having fun."

Star frowned, "Steele, what gives? Why you been acting so weird since we found out fruity back here was gay?"

The black and white husky growled but did not turn to look at them as he replied, "Would you _stop_ calling him that? And—and I just think that we should be behaving like the adults that we are and focusing on the delivery. If you upset Balto enough he could trip and cause us all to do the same, and we wouldn't want that, now would we?"

Nikki and Star looked at each other as they ran, bewildered expressions both on their faces, "Uh, okay, Steele. You're in charge."

The husky nodded to himself and bit his lip, fighting the urge to cry from the flashback and the teasing Balto had received, "Good. Now shut up and run. I don't want to hear anyone else until we stop for the night."

Balto was at a loss for words and even thought. He was shocked that Steele had not joined in with them, and was even more confused to see him order the others to shut up and stop the teasing. He had done that before the delivery began, too. He watched Steele from behind, and made the decision to talk to him after they stopped for a night of rest.

The snow was picking up heavily now, and the wind was getting a lot worse. Steele struggled to lead the team, and his job was made even more difficult with having to fight more tears from all the thoughts racing through his mind. His current feelings for Balto, the loss of his dear owner, and the heartbreak felt from his first crush was all mixing together in his heart and mind while he peered through the blinding snow blowing all around him.

The sled driver was calling out an order to turn left, and even tried to signal Steele's attention with the whip when he did not do as told, but the husky completely ignored everything around him, as his mind could not handle focusing on anything else. He did not realize that they were headed for a cliff, and the rest of the dogs started shouting at him to stop, including Balto, but by the time he finally realized that they were headed for danger, he had already ran right off the edge of the precipice.

The fall was not completely vertical, in fact, it was at a grade that caused the rest of the team as well as the sled and driver to roll down, hitting a rock or two on the way down. Harnesses broke, sending the dogs off in different directions, and the sled hit the bottom of the tumble with a loud crack as it broke into pieces upon hitting the trunk of a large pine tree. Everyone had been separated, darkness was closing in, and the snowstorm raged on.


	5. Internalization

****Author's Note** I'm not going to use lyrics in this chapter, but I find that the song "Far from Home" by Five Finger Death Punch goes incredibly well with the flashback at the beginning here. Don't be fooled by the band name, I know they're heavy metal, but that song is soft and beautiful.**

"Alright Ms. Roberts, that should about do it. I have your check, as promised," the younger man smiled at the elderly woman and handed her a check for Steele's recruitment after he fastened a leash to the Siberian husky's collar.

With a quivering hand, Jeanne Roberts accepted the slip of paper, and gave Gerald a nod, "I just hope he does you good, and I'll be looking forward to his return in May. This money should really help me out, Gerald, and I can't thank you enough for informing me about this program."

While the two humans conversed about what was going to happen in the coming days, Steele hung his head low and looked at the gravel sidewalk below. An expression of absolute depression overtook his face, and he felt his eyes slowly become moist, and then watched a tear fall from his snout to the ice-cold pebbles that covered the walkway beneath him. He looked at a few of them individually, feeling like they were a representation of the world crumbling around him. Throughout the course of a week, Maxx had broken his heart and then blackened his name throughout the community. Then, he learned that his pleasant, elderly, loving owner was going to be ripped away from him as well. Alaska-why the hell would he want to go there? For a sled team? He had never done anything remotely close to the task of pulling a sled in his entire life. He kept his mouth shut, though, and silently accepted the fate that was slowly closing in around him. After staring at the ground for a while, he finally brought his head up and turned it to the right, seeing Maxx sitting there beside Gerald. Giving the collie a look void of any kind of expression, he just stared at his ex-crush, offering the other dog no indication of what he could be feeling.

Maxx stared back at him with an expression of grimace, as almost if to say, "Stop looking at me, you faggot." Steele could tell that he would not express any remorse for what he had done in the preceding days, and at this point, it was impossible for him to care, even the slightest bit. He almost did not notice Jeanne reaching down to scratch the underside of his snout softly, and he turned and looked up at her, offering her a slight smile-he of course wished he could appear more cheerful to his elderly owner, but happiness was a truly unattainable emotion at this point.

She gave him a sincere, tired smile, and bid him goodbye, "You make me proud, Steele. I know you have what it takes, and I'll see you in May. Don't be scared of this, and don't worry for me-I'll be alright."

The Siberian husky felt his eyes snap open as a whirlwind of snow rushed around him, and he found that he was already covered with it. Getting up slowly, he shook off the snow that was on top of him, and looked around to find that night had fallen, and the snowstorm that was on the way had descended upon him. Turning his head every which way in a panic, he desperately looked for any sign of the rest of the team, but his visibility was restricted to nearly nothing. He started to walk, but found that his front left paw was sprained, and stepping with it caused excruciating pain. He howled out, and nearly collapsed, but knew that he had to find the others-if he was alive, then the chances of the others surviving such a crash were high. At least, that's what his mind was telling him at this point.

"Hello!" he called out into the howling wind, but there was no way that his cries could have been heard over the volume of the gusts of snow that danced in utter chaos around him.

Panic was setting in, and he began to run, trying his best to ignore the agonizing pain that his paw was giving him, and he kept crying out into the storm in hopes of one of the other dogs or at least the sled driver hearing him. He felt his heart rate rapidly increase, and he stopped in his tracks after only a few more seconds due to the pain of his paw.

"Please! Someone answer me!" The bitter polar easterly winds that fed Alaska's frigid climate sent a blast of freezing air in the Siberian husky's face, and the tears of panic that had dripped below his eyes were now frozen, causing him to scratch at that area, because the frozen water was pulling on hairs, which created even more pain to add to the agonizing feelings present already. He soon felt blood from the scratches that he created drip off of his face and into the snow below, but he shook his head and pressed on, still desperately searching for his companions. Finally, he saw a body of a dog laying in the snow about thirty feet ahead of him. He could not tell who it was, but right now, that didn't matter. He rushed toward it, and upon reaching it, found that it was the halfbreed.

His eyes went wide and he gasped, "Balto!" He nosed the halfbreed, and breathed quickly and shallow, desperately trying to wake him up.

Balto slowly but surely came to, and looked up to Steele with half-opened eyes. His head throbbing, he said the only thing that he could pull from his mind, "…Steele?"

Steele felt his expression of panic turn to that of relief and joy, and he nodded at the halfbreed that lay below him, "Yes, Balto…it's me. I…I can't tell you how happy I am to see you alive."

Balto was still in a slight daze, and he tilted his head slightly, still looking up at Steele, "I…what…what happened?"

The husky got underneath Balto, and slid him onto his back, having the halfbreed rest his head on top of his own, and he started to walk again, "We crashed…I'll tell you more later, but right now you and I both need to find some shelter before this storm freezes us to death."

Balto was slowly coming back to reality, and then muttered something to Steele, "There's…there's a cave…down the hill…I saw it before I blacked out…"

Sure enough, the ground sloped downward after a few more steps, and Steele braced himself to descend the hill, making sure that Balto would not fall off of him at any point. The trek was long, cold, and the husky almost slipped a few times, but he finally reached the bottom after about twenty minutes. He scanned the area around him now, and saw the mouth of the cave that the halfbreed had mentioned, partially shrouded by the low-hanging branches of a half-dead conifer tree. Pushing through the accumulating snow that lay on the ground below him, and fighting through the agonizing pain that his paw was giving him, he felt that he would never reach the cave. He eventually did, though, and after moving to the back wall of the cavern, he laid Balto down, collapsing to the ground beside the halfbreed in pain and exhaustion. He breathed deeply and turned his gaze to meet that of Balto, who stared back at him with much the same exhausted expression. The two remained like that for a few moments, each of them taking time to catch their breaths and clear their heads. Balto was the first to speak.

"Why—why did you save me?"

Steele immediately sat up and turned his head away, taking a few silent, deep breaths to himself, and after biting his lip to hold back the truth and a plethora of tears, he composed himself and turned back to the halfbreed with his same old cynical-displeased expression. He looked at the ground for a moment or two and batted a stone across the cave floor, but finally gave Balto the reply that he was seeking.

"We're a team, Balto. A pack—and as much as you and I don't get along, the members of a pack don't leave each other behind."

Still incredibly confused, the halfbreed shook his head with a puzzled expression, "I—okay? I don't exactly understand, but thank you, nonetheless."

Steele glared at him, "I was just doing my job, mutt."

Balto was still incredibly baffled, but shook it off and continued the conversation, "What about the others? Shouldn't we be looking for them too?"

"You stay here, Balto. You're not strong enough to go out there—I'll have a much better chance of finding them, if they're out there anywhere." He started for the exit, but Balto protested.

"Steele you can't go out there by yourself. You're limping…don't act like I haven't noticed."

Not turning around, the Siberian husky took a deep breath, "Balto, I'm fine. Just stay here and do as I say, alright?"

The halfbreed shakily stood up, and started toward Steele, "I'm not letting you go alone."

Steele immediately turned around and got right up in the face of the halfbreed, teeth bared, and growled for a few seconds, "Mutt, stay here. I'm the pack leader, so that means what I say goes. Do you understand? Do you understand me right now?" He felt tears start to well up at the base of his eyes, and his voice took a slight quiver to its tone, "I almost lost you once, and I don't want to risk that again." With that, he clenched his eyes shut and angrily shook his head, "Gah!" and took off into the snowstorm to search for the other dogs.

All Balto could do was sit there, in the cave, alone and completely dumbfounded. He wanted to protest what Steele had asked of him, but he decided against it. The Siberian husky was already behaving oddly, and he did not want to cause any more of the strange behavior—right? Steele's actions were indeed different, but they were not bad in any way. In fact, the halfbreed was actually enjoying the behavior by the husky. All Steele had done to him in the past was nothing but insult after insult, topped with an excessive amount of physical abuse. Whatever reason that Steele had for changing his behavioral patterns Balto hoped would remain from this point onward.

This unfortunately left the halfbreed with a lot of time to become introspective of himself once more. His thoughts returned to Jenna, and all he did was frown at the ground with a scowl. He hated the thought of it, but she had become an enemy of his now. She was an enemy that he created, though. He covered his eyes with a paw, as if to hide his embarrassment and tears from onlookers—even though there were none. He rolled to his left side, but yelped in pain when he found that he had a gash there. Inspecting it, he found that it was not bleeding a lot, but it was definitely causing him a lot of pain. How he had not noticed it until this point was unknown to him, though he guessed it to be the result of his earlier half-consciousness. Giving a sigh, he rolled back onto his right side, and he looked at the wall across from him. It was definitely a cave deep in the rock face, which kept him a considerable distance from the raging snowstorm outside. That did not change the fact that the temperature was considerably low, though, and he shivered as he waited for Steele to return to him, hopefully with the other dogs. He felt tired, and he let himself slip into the arms of slumber.

Balto found himself in the middle of an expansive ice field, and a full moon lit up the night sky. There was no wind blowing, and the temperature was cold, but oddly comfortable. Looking around him, he saw absolutely no indication of a town anywhere in sight. The ice field seemed to go on infinitely into the horizon—and he soon felt fear set in. The halfbreed had absolutely no idea where he could possibly be, but any thoughts he had were immediately interrupted by the cold female-voiced greeting that came from behind him.

"Hello, Balto."

The halfbreed turned around almost instantaneously, and saw Jenna standing before him. Her expression was anything but welcoming—almost sinister in nature. It was an expression that he had never seen on her face—nor the face of any dog—at any point in his life. It was almost unnatural; a look that could cause psychological damage to anyone who gazed at it. It was not a look of extreme anger or sadness—it was, in his best description, an indifferent expression with sinister intent. That was not the only thing he noticed about her, either. This Jenna did not have the sleek, shimmering orange coat that the female that he knew had. Even in the moonlight, he could tell that her coat was dull and drained, as if the life had been sucked out of it. And her eyes did not possess any white—merely a dark grey with black pupils. He backed up slightly, and spoke the only words that he could find.

"Jenna—what—what happened to you? Where—what—is this?"

The dog narrowed her dark eyes and stepped closer, and her tone was still as ice-cold as the greeting she gave him, if not more, "Jenna? You mistake me for another, Balto."

The halfbreed felt his heart begin to pick up pace, and he continued to slowly step back, "What's going on?"

The menacing female simply stared at him with a disturbing, mischievous grin, "Nothing, Balto, we're just standing here…_dreading_ each other's company."

The halfbreed took another step back from her, and gave her a look of panic, "…Who the hell are you?"

The dog chuckled coldly and that same indifferent, disturbing expression overtook her face, "I am nobody, Balto. I am everything you're afraid of—a visual manifestation of every single one of your fears. Right now, your worst fear is Jenna, and her betrayal of you. You feel as if she poses a threat to you. What you don't realize, Balto, is that it goes much, much deeper than that."

Balto looked around to find that the wind was starting to pick up, "What are you talking about, what does any of this mean? Where the hell am I?"

She continued, "You're not afraid of Jenna, Balto. You're afraid of being _alone._ You've always been alone, and at this rate, you will always _be_ alone. You've repressed this for years, mutt, and look where it's got you now."

The gusts that surrounded the two of them picked up, and hearing each other was becoming increasingly difficult. Balto looked around in a panic, and then right at the manifestation, "Where are we?!"

The female snarled and ran up to him, knocking him to the ground, "We are nowhere, Balto! This ice field represents all of the internal emptiness you've felt for years now! It's grown so large that it might as well be an infinite expanse of nothingness!" She knocked him in the side with one of her paws, "You let your fear control you, Balto! You never fight it back!"

Her words were almost incomprehensible due to the volume of the wind now, and she kicked him again, knocking him back more, and then she got right in his face, staring coldly into his wide-open yellow eyes, "Until you foster up the courage to fight me back, mutt, I am always going to control you, and I'm going to keep eating at you until you're nothing but a hollow shell devoid of all emotion. Your meaning will be comparable to the value of this expansive ice field—absolutely nothing! Now, get up, mutt!"

The halfbreed awoke in a panic, and found that his experience had been entirely mental—a nightmare. He was panting, and he noticed that night had fallen once more. He picked his head up and looked around, finding that Steele was laying beside him, a defeated expression across his face.

"Steele? What—what happened?"

The husky turned to the halfbreed and let his gaze drift to the cave floor below, "I couldn't find any of the dogs, Balto."

Balto shook his head, making sure that he had indeed come back into reality, "None? What—what about the sled driver?"

Steele looked right at Balto, "He's dead. I found his body almost completely buried by snow—he gashed his head off of a boulder."

The halfbreed let his expression turn from that of panic to that of sadness, and he simply scooted closer to Steele, to which Steele returned the action, and the two dogs sat in silence as the snow continued to gust outside.


	6. Realization

****Author's Note** As I stated before, I'm not looking to put any type of lyrics into this story, but I found a great song to accompany Balto's internal struggles with his subconscious, and if you're interested, look up "I Have to Let You Go" by Nightwish on YouTube. **

Steele awoke to a blustery morning, but to his delight he discovered that the snow had ceased falling. The sky was overcast; no sun was to be seen anywhere, but the conditions exhibited by the weather today were much more favorable than the preceding day, and he took a deep breath of the crisp, cold winter air. Staring down at the ground, the Siberian husky realized that he had quite a lot to contemplate—the sled driver was dead, and the remaining members of the team were nowhere to be found. He did not assume them to have suffered the same fate as the driver; they were strong-willed just as he was, and if they fell in the same general direction as Balto, then he was quite certain that they had survived. The reason that the driver was killed is because he had gashed his head on a boulder—Steele nodded his head and yawned.

Balto was still fast asleep beside him, and Steele found the head of the halfbreed resting lovingly on his side. Seizing the opportunity to enjoy the moment while Balto was unaware, he gave a smile—a real smile; something that he had not felt in a very long time. He was happy. After all this time, he was finally starting to feel the prelude to true happiness again. But his smile quickly turned to a look of uncertainty; Balto did not know about any of this. Now that the two were alone, Steele began to consider expressing his true feelings to the halfbreed—but not yet. No, now was too soon—right? Yes, yes of course it was. The two of them needed a few days to sort everything out. They would have to search for the other dogs, and that would consume quite a bit of time, so he figured that he could think about such matters later on—much, much later on. Steele gazed down at the peacefully-sleeping Balto and knew that his heart would eventually convince him otherwise.

The Siberian husky immediately turned his thoughts to something else when he felt his stomach begin to gurgle—food. They would need food, and they would need it soon. The wound on Balto's side was still healing, and the last thing he wanted was the halfbreed to get injured more than he already was. He examined the laceration and knew that it needed cleaned out, but that would require waking up Balto, and he looked so peaceful sleeping. But that wound needed cleaned, so he knew that he would have to wake his companion up—unless he licked the wound for him. No, if Balto were to wake up, he would know something was out of place. Would he, though? Could a fellow dog not clean wounds on his injured partner without suspicion of anything more than an act of kindness? Of course he could—right?

Balto felt a warm sensation on his side, and he slowly let his eyelids rise open, giving a yawn as soon as he was back to reality once more. He turned his head to find the source of the sensation, and his eyes widened when he saw that Steele was licking his wound clean. The halfbreed quickly turned his head back to facing forward and could feel himself blushing. Steele was taking care of him—the husky that he had an extremely heavy crush on was nursing his injured side. He closed his eyes and let Steele work—this was definitely not something he would be protesting.

"That ought to do it, halfbreed, at least for now, anyway," the Siberian husky walked toward the mouth of the cave, and then turned around to face Balto again, "Stay here, Balto. Don't go anywhere—that's an order. I'm still the sled team leader, remember. I'm going to get food—if you were in better shape, I'd have you come with me. But right now you need to relax and let that nasty gash heal."

Balto felt bad about the husky continually taking care of everything, and tried to stand up, "Steele, really, I'm okay. Please, let me come with you—"

Steele growled lightly, "Balto, lay down, keep quiet, and relax, alright? You're in no condition to hunt," the Siberian husky felt a lump in his throat form—he hated snapping at his crush like this, and once again, he could not conceal a quiver in his voice, "You're all I got now, mutt, and I just…need you around…" he gazed right at Balto with a stern expression, "Don't question it. Just listen to your pack leader, halfbreed."

Balto gave a soft nod and lay back down, deciding that the best course of action that he could take right now was to listen to and obey what Steele ordered him to do–no use fighting this great new attitude that he was exhibiting, right?

The husky smirked, and was glad that Balto was now taking his advice, "Not as dumb as I thought you were, mutt, now I'll be back in a little while. I gotta get us something to eat, and I'm going to see if I can find any of the others."

He took his leave, and ventured out into the snowy landscape. His legs sunk down into the snow about six inches–this was going to be quite a challenge. Giving a disgusted grumble, he began to trudge through the snow, sniffing the air to get any trace of life around them. He was really beginning to feel hungry, and he hoped that something would come along soon. It wasn't so much himself that he was fretting over; it was Balto. If the halfbreed was going to regain his strength and have the wound heal successfully, he was going to need nourishment to do so. The husky decided that he could do without food for a few days if needed, but he really hoped that fate did not bring the two to that situation. But then again, fate is a cruel mistress.

Meanwhile, Balto lay resting in the cave, watching the clouds roll by through the mouth of the cavern, contemplating everything that had happened since the accident. It was a tragedy that the sled driver had died, but his thoughts soon turned to Nikki, Star, and the rest of the dogs. He very much hoped that they had not suffered the same fate, despite the fact that they had ridiculed him over and over for his sexuality. The halfbreed had been hurt deeply by them, but he was not one to wish death upon anyone; not even Jenna. Yes, then there was Jenna.

He immediately remembered the nightmare that he had experienced the previous night, and began to think about what that manifestation of his inner turmoil wanted him to do. He could not deny it; he did indeed let his fear control him. His subconscious was correct in that observation, but he was unsure of how to resolve his current dilemma. Getting over his fear was something that he wanted to do badly, but correcting that presented a few problems. Telling Steele that he had feelings for him would most certainly not end well, at least, not in his mental scenarios. At the same time, though, he did not think that he could continue on living in absolute paranoia day in and day out. He had done so for years, though, so would continuing in his current mindset really hurt him much more? He shook his head, disgusted, knowing that he was just running around in circles; nothing was going to get solved in this manner. Perhaps he needed to converse with his subconscious again–yes, his nightmare had gotten him farther than he would have without its assistance. He lay his head down, and tried to drift back into sleep again.

Steele, meanwhile, was having his own challenges set for him. He lay crouched down in the snow, eyeing a white rabbit that was about fifty or sixty feet away from him. For an animal that was generally quite small, this one was definitely an exception. He could easily see two meals coming from it; one for him, and one for his healing partner–or, rather, soon-to-be partner; at least he hoped so. The husky licked his lips quietly and prepared to make his move; surely this was going to be an easy kill. Positioning his legs so that he would propel forward, he made the jump, landing right on top of the animal. But, to his dismay, the snow beneath the two provided enough room for the rabbit to jump out from under him through a hole in the white blanket, and it began to quickly hop away from him. Steele was not one to give up so easily, though, and immediately took off after it, ignoring the pain in his leg as much as he could.

The little animal hopped for its life, trying desperately to keep away from the powerful jaws of the captor that was slowly closing in on it. Steele chuckled to himself as he sped up, and eventually cornered the rabbit, snapped his jaws down, and had a meal for Balto and himself. For having an aching leg, he believed that he did not do too bad, and started back toward the cave. He had searched for the other dogs before beginning his hunt, but could not find any trace of them. The sled was even gone; there were no clues to the accident except the body of the sled driver, and it was now buried in the snow. It was as if the other dogs had completely vanished–he would look again tomorrow, though, as he could see more dark clouds coming, and snowflakes were beginning to fall again.

That expansive ice field surrounded Balto once more. He was alone, and he was in his subconscious, waiting for that Jenna-like manifestation to greet him again. The general atmosphere of the barren landscape was much colder than before. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes whilst he mentally prepared for the confrontation that he hoped for yet dreaded simultaneously. Opening his eyes, she was laying across from him, staring him down with her grey eyes that pierced his inner self like a pair of the sharpest harpoons that could possibly be crafted.

"I knew you'd return, Balto."

He averted his gaze and stared at the ice-covered ground, "I–I'm not afraid of you."

"Then look at me."

He felt his heart skip a beat, and he prepared himself to look at her. He did not understand why he was fearing her; she _was_ his fear. She encompassed every single one of his terrors, yet he was afraid of her. So, logically, it made absolutely no sense to fear the being that _encompassed_ all of his fears, did it?

He brought his face up to stare at her with a confident, smirking expression written across it, "It makes no sense to fear the embodiment of my fears, does it? You encompass _all_ of my fears, so logically I can't have any outer ones, can I? Is that the truth you want me to come to terms with?"

The manifestation let a mischeivous grin overtake its face, and it began to chuckle, and then laugh, and then, finally, cackle. It immediately ceased and stared at Balto with its piercing eyes, appearing as still as a granite statue, "You still let me control you, mutt. What you don't realize is that the fear you have for me is being _caused_ by me. I told you, Balto, I control your mind. I am not a seperate entity from you; I am _part_ of you! Using logic to define me is not going to defeat me, Balto. Until you come to terms with what you must do to take back your sanity, you will continue to spiral down in this whirlwind of fear and darkness. If there is anything you should fear, mutt, it should be the fact that your paranoia complex is dominating your mind."

The wind was picking up just as it did last time, and clouds were rolling in behind the Jenna-like figure; black, large, menacing clouds threatening to strike with deadly lightning, dump incredible amounts of snow, or unleash whatever unholy fate that they held back. His gaze drifted back to the manifestation, and it too was changing.

The creature began grow larger, and appear more fierce and menacing than before. Its teeth elongated, its claws became razor-sharp, and it became nearly three times as tall and long as Balto. Its eyes fixated on the halbreed, it ran up and knocked him on his side again.

"I will continue to grow. I will continue to dominate. And I will continue to rip any trace of sanity you might have left unless you come to terms with what you need to do. I pray that it's soon, mutt, because I am days away from breaking you apart."

And he found himself in the cave again, awakened by the sound of a rabbit corpse being dropped by Steele in front of him. He shook his head and looked up to the husky, seeing some red stained around his maw. He could not help but smile, despite the nightmare.

"You got quite a catch. When I'm able, let me pay you back for it."

Steele plopped down, clearly tired from the day's searching, hunting, and trudging through the deep, freezing snow. He gave Balto a smirk, "Like you could hunt like me."

Balto returned the husky's smirk with that of his own, "Hey now, when you live on your own, hunting is the only way to get food. I'm sure you'd be quite surprised by what I can do."

"Just eat your half, mutt, and you'd better leave an equal part for me after I wake up. I'm going to take a nap."

While the husky curled up to take a rest, Balto watched him with a warm smile. He made the halfbreed feel so secure and safe, and despite the past, he was honestly beginning to wonder if a friendship with Steele was something that was able to be accomplished with time. What struck him oddly, though, was that the husky had not once ridiculed, or even mentioned his sexuality. He still could not comprehend that Steele had defneded him while the others lashed out with verbal attack after attack. What had made Steele suddenly change his behavior? It was as if the fact that the halfbreed had come out had triggered this change. But, why, he wondered, would _that_ of all things initiate this new, improved attitude? Could the husky actually possess a warm-hearted understanding and acceptance of the members of the non-straight community? If so, why would a dog like Steele feel as such? It went against all outward expression of personality that the husky had continually exhibited in the past. And then an idea struck him, and his eyes went wide accompanied by a wide-open jaw.

He stared at the sleeping Steele and whispered to himself, "Him? No, no it can't be true–c-can it?"

The halfbreed blushed and began to eat the meal that the husky had caught for him.


	7. Betrayal

Jenna plopped half of a raw steak into Kaltag's bowl and took her place beside him in the boiler room, and she gave a contented sigh as she enjoyed the moment, "My master was feeling generous this morning, and I thought you'd like half of his gift."

Kaltag gave her a warm, grateful nuzzle, "You didn't have to do that, Jenna. Thank you, though, I'm really hungry."

The two of them had become quite close, and Jenna was beginning to feel comfortable with the idea of accepting him as a mate. She was seeing a side of Kaltag that she did not believe existed due to his and the other dogs' behavior around Steele, and she believed that he had been humbled by his injury. Not only that, she was beginning to believe that Kaltag possessed the qualities that she was looking for in a male; exactly those that she had tried to find in Balto, and then some.

She let a slight expression of grimace overtake her face when the name of the halfbreed ran through her mind. The past few days had given her a lot of time to ponder her final opinion on Balto, and she had come to a neutral stance, deciding that the best course of action to take was none at all. Her time with the halfbreed was in the past, and it was best to let it remain there. She believed that he was not a bad dog; he had just made some incredibly bad decisions. Looking out the door to the boiler room, the orange husky wondered how the delivery was going for the sled team, and she did hope that Steele and the other dogs were treating Balto with the right amount of decency. She turned back to Kaltag and lay her head on his right side, but the two were immediately interrupted by a distressed Boris running into the room.

"They're in trouble! Balto and the rest of them!"

Both dogs immediately perked up and Jenna was the first to speak, "Whoa, whoa, Boris! Calm down and speak slowly! What's going on?"

The goose took a moment to catch his breath and compose himself, "Balto and the rest of the team, they did not reach any of the checkpoints! The humans are all going crazy, Balto is out there all alone, possibly dead with all the others!" He brought his wings to his head and a feather or two fell off of his head, "And now I'm going _bald!_"

Jenna felt her eyes go wide, but she kept her composure and took a few deep, slow breaths, "Boris, keep calm. There's no use jumping to conclusions like that until we know for sure what's happened."

Kaltag now looked quite concerned, "Nikki and Star…and Steele…my master! My master is the sled driver!" He felt panic begin to take over, but, like Jenna, he forced himself to calm down, "Jenna's right. I'm…sure they've just gotten lost, or took a different route because of an avalanche or something."

Boris looked at the two of them, and then sighed, and looked to the floor below before plopping down to take a seat, "I hope you are right. I suppose all we can do is wait, no? I heard something about the humans going out to look."

Jenna gave a soft nod and walked over to Boris, giving him a comforting nuzzle, "Then we'll wait to see what they find. And if they don't find anything, then we'll just have to take matters into our own hands like we did during the serum run."

She turned to Kaltag, and walked back over to him, giving him a much more intimate nuzzle, "Kaltag…I'm sure everyone is okay, especially your master. He knows what he's doing." She took her seat beside him again, and all he could do was give her a quick, affectionate lick, and keep her close while a worried expression continued to dominate his face.

Forcing himself to take his mind off of the situation, at least for a moment, Boris looked to the orange husky, "Jenna, did Balto…talk to you before he went on this delivery?"

She slowly cocked her head, a puzzled expression on her face, "No, why?"

He looked away, unsure if he should continue or not. He knew that all of the dogs in Nome knew about Balto's sexuality, but he was not sure if openly talking about it was something that his dear friend would want done. Tracing a wing on the ground below, he was conflicted on what to say to her; the situation between Balto and the rest of the dogs put him in quite the awkward position. He was friends with both Balto and Jenna, and during this whole ordeal, he had remained neutral. If he continued the conversation with the truth, he believed that it may help Balto in the long run, but if he told her to forget it, things would stay the same as they currently were. At least, in his mind they would. Giving a sigh, he looked to her and replied.

"He, umm, wanted to clear the air with you, and all."

As if by instinct, she gave him a reply immediately, "Boris, no offense to Balto, but I've made my decision on how I feel about him now. I'm neutral. I have no hatred or immediate compassion for him. And that's the way I'd like it to stay. I hope he's okay on that delivery right now, but any feelings that I had for him are gone now."

The goose let a scowl overtake his face when he heard her reply. He knew that he was trying to remain neutral in the quarrel between the two dogs, but he found her reply to be bitter and selfish. He figured that this was her way of nonchalantly whisking him out of her life, and he felt an anger begin to brew inside of him.

Standing up, he gave her an absolutely menacing glare and raised his voice, "You are lying!"

She was somewhat taken aback, and she returned his outburst with a defensive inquiry, "Excuse me, what is that supposed to mean?"

Boris gave a slight grunt of anger, "You are trying to throw him out of your life! If you really cared about him, you would be ready to go out there right now and look for him and the others!"

At this point, Kaltag raised up as much as he could and snapped at Boris, "Don't you talk to her like that."

The goose gave a look of utter disbelief and then shouted, much angrier than before, "And what are you doing with him, Jenna? You were hurt and angry at Balto, so you go out and lust after one of his enemies? Why would you do a thing like that? Is this a sick idea of revenge?"

She snarled at him, "My business with Kaltag is none of yours! And what the hell is this, anyway? This is just a blind fit of rage due to some outrageous assumption that you're making!"

Boris shouted another reply, "I assume nothing! You are lying to yourself, dog, and the sooner you see that…" he paused, looking to the ground, mustering up the courage to finish, "…the sooner you will see how much of a bitch you are being!"

Kaltag was forcing himself to get up at this point, dragging himself closer to Boris, "What was that now? Would you care to repeat what you just said to her?"

She ran between the two, and turned to the brown husky, "Kaltag, dear, please, don't hurt him. That's not going to solve anything," she then turned to the infuriated goose, and got right in his face, talking in a low, quiet, menacing tone, "Listen here, I told you, I'm remaining neutral on this. I don't want any trouble right now. Kaltag is injured, you're upset, and you're not thinking clearly. You're worried about Balto and the others, and I am too. So calm the hell down, Boris."

He replied to her in much the same manner, "You are lying, Jenna."

She bit her lip and moved back some, and soon her eyes were moist with tears, and she was raising her voice again, "Well what the fuck was I supposed to do, Boris? He used me! He fucking used me for his little experiment! I was his test, and every single word he ever said to me turned out to be a total lie! Do you think that's easy? If you do then you've obviously never had your heart broken before. Now I finally find a dog who shows me a sincere possibility for a relationship, and you come in here and try to make my life worse by calling _it_ a lie. Do you really think I'm looking for more lies in my life? Just, just leave me the hell alone!"

She ran off, and left Boris and Kaltag alone, but the brown husky immediately gave the goose a dissatisfied look, "You need to go now, Boris. Unruffle your feathers before you come to see us again."

Boris went to say something but decided against it, and felt his eyes moisten up as well, "All of you are changing! Everything is changing so much, and I am left in the middle of it all to just accept it? And now I find out that my best friend in the whole world, who has been through enough, could possibly be dead? Do you think this is easy for _me?_ Bah, I will bid both of you good day!" He flew out of the door, and left the brown husky alone. Kaltag gave an annoyed sigh, and lay down on the ground, waiting for both of them to blow off their steam.

* * *

Meanwhile, Nikki and Star sat under a shelter that was created by low-hanging pine branches intertwining, viewing the sun set over the mountains in the distance. They had survived the crash, even after tumbling off of a vertical ledge that was twenty or so feet away from the location of the deceased sled driver's body. The deep snow had cushioned their impact, and after finding no way back up the ledge, they had traveled to a small pine forest that was located about a mile and a half away from the spot that they had landed. The two dogs had figured being shrouded from the open wilderness would give them protection from any large predators, more specifically, bears.

Giving a yawn, Nikki laid down into a more comfortable position, "I'm getting kinda tired, Star."

The small, grey husky gave a nod, scooting close to Nikki for warmth; staying out in the open air was much chillier than a cave would have been, "Me too. Do you think we'll be able to find some real food tomorrow? I don't know how much longer I can go uncovering grass…"

The large, brown dog laying beside him gave a slow nod, "Star, I promise, we're gonna get a kill tomorrow. I really don't care what we have to do. If we keep living like this, eating nothing but frozen grass and tree bark, we're…we're gonna fucking die."

Star looked to the ground, trying to block a fate like that out, "We're not going to die, Nikki…we can't die…we'll get back to Nome."

Nikki grunted, "And how are we gonna do that, Star? We got absolutely no clue where we're at, and we don't even know if the others made it." He got up and turned to look at his companion, "None of this would have happened if Steele wouldn't have been acting so weird! He ran right off of that damn cliff when all of us were shouting at him! What was with him, Star? Ever since we all found out that Balto's gay, he'd been acting all weird! It was like he was defending that mutt! He hated him for so fuckin' long, and then after he found out that Balto likes guys, he was protecting him like some fragile little flower. Do you think I believed his shit about acting adult? I know Steel better than that!"

Star gave a look of absolute cluelessness, "Maybe Steele's got a soft spot for the gays? Don't talk about him like that, Nikki, we're not even sure if he's alive or not, so why bash him?"

The brown husky looked out into the Alaskan wilderness, "Steele's not dead. He's the fiercest dog I know, and if we survived that tumble, then he did too. And I wouldn't be surprised if the halfbreed made it right along with him."

Star was beginning to fear Nikki's behavior, and backed away slightly, "Nikki…what are you getting at?"

Turning around, Nikki replied to the smaller dog's question, "Star, he did this to us! Our hunger pangs, our broken ribs, and our aching bodies are all Steele's fault! We have no idea where we're at because of his stupidity! He's our enemy now, Star, and we're going to treat him as such."

The small husky gave an expression that was a combination of worry and disbelief, "Nikki, what the hell has gotten into you? This is Steele we're talking about…"

"Don't you get it, pipsqueak? This is survival of the fittest, eat or be eaten, kill or be killed! We might not know where we are, but we can find that son of a bitch and give him what's comin' to him. We were takin' his shit for years, and now he's done something that's absolutely unforgivable."

Afraid to disagree, Star nodded his head slowly, "I…guess so…"

Nikki returned his menacing gaze out to the wilderness, "If we come across Steele, we kill him on sight."

* * *

Steele finished his half of the rabbit, and knocked the cleaned skeleton to the back of the cave, "We gotta keep the smell away from predators."

Balto gave a soft nod, simply sitting and making smalltalk with the Siberian husky. Steele had slept for nearly an hour, and the two of them were finally beginning to arrive at a mutual understanding of one another. The husky still made a cynical, passive-aggressive comment here or there, but the halfbreed noticed that even those were less harsh than they had been in the past.

Searching for something to say, Steele looked at Balto's injured side, "How's the wound, mutt?"

Balto gave a slight smile and took a quick glance at it, "I cleaned it a bit while you were asleep, and I really think it's starting to heal to a point where I can accompany you on your search-hunts."

The Siberian husky felt his heart begin to race; that would make for more alone time between he and the halfbreed. He had to look away momentarily to hide a smile, but quickly turned back around with an indifferent expression forcefully held on his face, "Well, Balto, that will speed things up, I'm sure. If you can keep up with my pace, that is."

Giving a slightly seductive smirk, the halfbreed replied to his statement, "Like I said, I grew up having to hunt for myself. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."

Steele felt his eyes widen, and he had to look out the mouth of the cave to hide a blush, and he thought silently to himself, _Is he flirting with me? No, he can't. He doesn't know that I'm gay. I'm just deluding myself. You can't come out to him yet, buddy, just…just not yet._

Balto stood up, walking toward the back of the cave, "Night will be falling soon. I know you just took a nap, but you and I really should get a good night's rest if we're going to be out there all day tomorrow. Why don't you come sleep beside me? Alaska gets awfully cold at night."

Steele bit his bottom lip, looking back and forth, gaze still out at the sky, "Uh, yeah, sure." _This is going to be a lot harder than I thought._


	8. Confessions

****Author's Note** I think I may suggest songs for chapters I find would go well with one, and I'll be going back and doing that for the previous chapters. I could not resist suggesting a song that goes perfectly with this chapter, and that is the first half of Song of Myself by Nightwish, and I think you will see why.**

Steele found himself sitting in a rainstorm; his vision was hazy, and it did not take him a very long time to realize that he was in a human cemetery. It was dark, dreary, and an ominous feeling seemed to be retained by the air. Everything seemed to move at a slower pace than it normally would, and he instantaneously had the desire to walk toward the back of the cemetery—there was something there. He did not know what it was, but something told him that what he needed to find was very important. Passing by stone after stone, it seemed as if night was setting in more quickly and the rainstorm was getting much more violent. Gusts of wind began blowing through his hair as almost if they were trying to hold him back from whatever it was that he had this insatiable desire to discover. As he came closer to his destination, an overwhelming sadness seemed to infect his mind and body. He had the sudden urge to cry, and while he let the tears flow, he still fought on to search for the source of his instinctual passion to find the unknown object. His eyes snapped open as wide as they possibly could when he heard a distant cackling.

"Who's there?!" he yelled out, but his voice seemed muffled by the high-speed winds that were blowing in every which direction around him now.

A deep, almost demonic-like growl was echoing all around the confused Siberian husky, and an incredible sense of terror crippled him where he stood. He closed his eyes and forcefully held them shut, hiding his face with his right paw as he began to shake. An icy coldness began to surround him, and the raindrops that hit him began to sting with every strike they made against his body—he could feel each individual drop hit him, and it felt like needle after needle pushing against his skin, but dissipating just before dermal penetration. Time slowed down, and Steele slowly opened his eyes and looked up to see Maxx standing over him with the most chilling, demented grin across his face. It was a completely diabolical smile; whatever reason the collie had for appearing to him was going to cause serious harm.

Despite his fear, Steele managed to utter something, albeit extremely faint, "Maxx…what is this?"

The collie let his face light up, and that only made his sinister grin even more disturbing, "Steele, you remember me! I would have thought after all those years of shutting everyone out I would have faded away into your world of forgotten memories."

Steele stared at him and felt his body continue to shake with fear—fight or flight was kicking in—but he was unable to do either one; he was frozen in his current spot at the mercy of this haunting manifestation of his ex-crush.

The husky, with a shaking maw, gave this figure a reply, "I remember you, Maxx."

The collie circled around his immobilized target, "Really? I'm flattered, Steele. I thought after five years you would have forgotten everything about Denver. You know, with your wonderful life in Nome."

Steele felt his heart begin to race and he did not once take his eyes off of Maxx, "I haven't forgotten it all…"

The collie snarled and stared right at the frightened husky, "You're right, Steele. You haven't forgotten everything. You remember all of it, don't you? It plagues your mind every single day."

Steele looked to the ground, watching teardrops fall slowly, motion dilated by the strange warp in time, "I remember everything, Maxx…" his voice echoed, as almost if something was manipulating his environment so that he could hear himself over and over—"I remember everything, Maxx…I remember everything…I remember…"

The collie started to chuckle, and his laughter was eerily echoing along with Steele's statement, "How about the others? Do they know about your past? No, they don't; you're fearless, cold-hearted, angry and cynical Steele. They have no idea that you used to be the only happiness that old, crippled Jeanne had left at the end of her life."

Steele, for the first time in this frightening world, felt anger take him over and he snapped back at Maxx, "Don't you dare talk about Jeanne like that! I was blessed to have her as an owner!"

The collie growled and snapped in return to the husky, "But you won't tell anyone else that, will you? You fabricated a lie when you came to Nome, didn't you Steele? Tell me what you told Kaltag, Nikki, Star, and everyone else when you arrived in that cold, bitter, God-forsaking Alaskan town!"

Steele, obviously defeated by this sinister, all-knowing form of Maxx, said all that could come to his mind, "How…how do you know that?!"

With a dark, demonic-like almost-roar, Maxx shut the terrified husky up again, "I know a lot of things, you faggot!" The collie let a diabolical smile take over his face once more, "I nearly forgot about that—your sexual orientation. Tell me Steele, do any of the dogs know about that? Tell me Steele; tell me all the lies that you told to Nome."

The Siberian husky began to cry, and could only silently wish for this absolute hell to end, "I told them all that I was a stray. I told them that I proved myself to the recruiters to get off of the streets and do some good in my life. I told them that I was a top pick from Colorado…"

Maxx chuckled in the most sinister, unnatural tone that Steel e had ever heard, "What about your orientation, Steele? What does Nome know about that? Do they know that you came onto a male dog in your past? Do they know that you're in love with the halfbreed?"

The husky's eyes went wide and he stared right at the collie, "How do you know about that?! How do you know about Balto?!"

Maxx began to cackle, "Oh, Steele, I know all I need to know, now!"

Steele was shouting now, "The fuck are you talking about Maxx?! What is this?! Where the fuck are we?! Answer me, answer me now!"

"Nome doesn't know you as the faggot, the liar, and the warm, good-hearted dog that you used to be! You've made the whole world pay, haven't you Steele? You were hurt by me five years ago, and your whole world crashed down. It was the fault of the world, wasn't it? And everyone in it has to pay, don't they? You won't stop until you've casted your judgment against every single dog and human that you come into contact with. They're all enemies, aren't they, Steele? Isn't everyone out to get you, to hurt you, to judge you? You better make them all pay! It's probably a good thing that Jeanne died! Now she doesn't have to see what her sweet-hearted husky has become!"

Maxx suddenly vanished, and Steele stared right at a tombstone that seemed to stand out from all of the others as lightning flashed around him; this was the object he had been hunting for! He was not certain how he knew, but he was sure that this was what he was intended to locate. The writing was in the markings that humans used to record books, messages, and anything else that they might want others to read. Somehow, though, he knew what it said—Jeanne Roberts.

Steele woke up crying in the cave beside a sleeping Balto. He looked around and his tears continued to wet his fur; it had been a nightmare—a horrific, mentally-scarring, disgusting nightmare. As much as he wanted to cease his crying, he wanted to let all of that crippling sadness out at the same time. His crying turned to sobbing, and Balto was soon awoken. His eyes widened when he saw Steele in such a horrible state, and he immediately spoke up.

"Steele! Steele, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

The husky forced himself to calm down enough that he could actually converse with the halfbreed, "Balto I," he panted some, "I had, a…I had a nightmare. It was…bad…it was really bad, and I just got shaken up by it."

Balto was absolutely shocked to see a dog as fearless as Steele in this situation, but for once in his life, he understood exactly what the Siberian husky had just endured. In a comforting gesture, Balto brought his head up to lovingly nuzzle under Steele's snout, and he spoke gently and warmly, "Everything will be okay, Steele, don't let it shake you up."

Steele felt the urge to pull away from Balto, due to his conditioning to avoid such contact with another male, but—he did not do such. He let the halfbreed comfort him, and he actually moved a bit closer to his crush, wanting more of that feeling. "Th-thank you, halfb—Balto…thank you."

The wolf-dog was taken by surprise when Steele stopped himself from saying "halfbreed." He could not believe what he was hearing the husky say; the insults were finally coming to an end. A smile made its way across his snout, and he nuzzled Steele once more, "You're very welcome, friend. Do you want to talk about the nightmare?"

Steele froze and let his eyes go wide—this was it. He was going to have to admit everything to Balto, and there was no way out of it now without him hurting the bond that was slowly being formed between the two of them. The husky thought, _I can tell him that I lied about what happened in Denver. Do I have to reveal that I'm gay, though? No, I can still keep that secret. I must keep it secret. I cannot rush things. He has his suspicions for sure, but should I try to stop them? No—no, I'm going to let him suspect the truth. If I slowly lead him to the conclusion, it will go a lot more smoothly…I have to get to know him better first. _

"Balto, I have some things that I need to tell you. I've lied about my past…"

Steele went on to tell the halfbreed about his previous life with Jeanne in Denver. Balto could only listen as he learned that his newfound friend did not used to be the sinister, proud, angry individual that he had been since he came to Nome. Steele told him about the wonderful life that Ms. Roberts had given him, about the warm, beautiful springs and hot, sunshine-filled summers that he enjoyed. He admitted that he disliked almost everything about Nome, and that his life had been terrible since he'd learned of Jeanne's death.

"I—I miss Denver, Balto. Five years in this horrible place is enough. I've wanted to go home since I arrived in Nome—I never wanted it to be the town that I would have to _call_ home."

Balto could only nod and give Steele another nuzzle, "It sounds like you've lost so much, Steele."

The husky closed his eyes and began to tear up once more, "I know she was elderly, but she had me since I was a pup born at the pound back in Denver. My parents' owners gave them up when the family decided to move to the East Coast. I don't know why they didn't want my mom and dad, but regardless, they sent them to the pound. My mother was pregnant with my siblings and me before that, and one by one we were snatched up by the people in Denver. I was the last to be taken, and I can't tell you how lucky I was to end up in Jeanne's hands."

The halfbreed slowly nodded and kept close to Steele, "I take it your nightmare was all of those memories flooding back?"

Steele stared out into the night, and fought to keep himself from sobbing again, "You could say that, yeah. There were other things in it, but I'd like to forget about it."

Balto knew exactly what Steele meant by "other things," or he at least had a very good hunch. He thought that sharing parts of his past with the husky might coax Steele out into disclosing to him what he knew was eating at him, and with another warm, caring nuzzle, the halfbreed replied to him.

"I can't even remember my parents. All I know is that somewhere out here in the wilderness, there's a wolf that I could call 'mom.' As far as my dad, some of the older dogs in Nome told me that they thought I looked like a sled dog that had been mistakenly shot by one of the humans a month or two before I showed up in town as a pup. I've been on my own as long as I can remember—I think my earliest memory is being up in one of the mountains outside of town. There was a snowstorm raging all around me, and I remember searching for somewhere that I could keep warm. After that, things get hazy again, but I ended up in Nome, and shortly after, I met Boris. He raised me and loved me like a son—took me in when no one else would, and did not care that I was a halfbreed. He's always supported me, and I know that I'm blessed to know him. If it wasn't for Boris, I…I probably would have…" Balto trailed off, and stared out at the night sky, noting that the very first trickles of morning twilight were beginning to manifest themselves.

Steele was listening closely, and he spoke up, "You would have what…?"

Balto shook his head and came back from staring out into the wilderness, "…Probably taken my life, and I was seriously considering it a few days ago."

Steele let an expression of shock take over his face, and he looked around, searching for something to say, "…and it's all my fault."

Balto looked up to Steele, "No, Steele, no, don't think like that, it was my stupid fault for considering it…"

Steele got up and walked to the back of the cave, letting thought after thought race through his head. That version of Maxx from his dream had been correct about everything—he had shut the world out, he had made everyone suffer in a belief that the world was responsible for the pain and suffering he had to endure. He had masked his old self with a façade of pride, anger, bitterness, hatred, and cold-heartedness. And now he had driven an innocent dog who had never done anyone wrong to thinking about ending his own life; a dog who just wanted acceptance for who he was, just like him.

It felt like a dam bursting—Steele could not hold back anything anymore. His fake persona was now falling to pieces, and he turned around and looked at Balto with tears falling from his eyes and a defeated expression across his face. Holding nothing back, he finally opened up to the wolf-dog.

"Balto, it's my fault that you feel the way that you do. It's my fault that you were driven to contemplate taking your life. You wanted acceptance by everyone around you, and to feel ashamed for that is not right. You deserve acceptance, and you had the guts to express your true self, regardless of what everyone else thought. You got to me, mutt, and there's one more thing you should know about me…" he looked to the ground, preparing himself for the next thing that he would reveal.

The wolf-dog looked at him worriedly, and moved closer, "Steele, please don't do this to yourself—"

Steele cut the halfbreed off by pressing his snout to Balto's, eyes closed, gently rolling Balto to the floor as he gave the wolf-dog the most passionate kiss that he could. After about thirty seconds, he broke it and immediately ran to the mouth of the cave, looking back to Balto.

"Balto, I promise I'll be back. I'm no good for you right now, though, and I need time to think. Now you know, halfbreed," he started to tear up again, "Now you know you're not alone."

He ran off into the night, and Balto got up and stood at the cave's entrance, "Steele, wait!"

To his disappointment, Steele had already vanished into the night, and Balto was left alone for a time he could not determine.


End file.
